... I think it has happened to all of us. No matter how straight you thought your were, a boy or man came in to your life that changed your ideas on what you wanted in a lover. For me, that boy was Bradley. To me, he’s just perfect. The funny thing is is that there is not a single thing that would really make him stand out. He’s average, if not below average, height, still has a slight layer of baby fat (He’s not fat by any means, and I find it adorable), and really has no muscle definition to speak of. But, as stated before, he was the person that changed my orientation forever.
My name’s Brent. I’m a 17 year old male who lives in a well off suburb in New Jersey. Besides the fact I’m 6 foot, I’m similar to Brad. I have a little layer of baby fat, no real muscle definition, and an average covering of hair in the normal places. One other difference I have with him is that he’s the type that is always tan, no matter what the weather, while I, unless I sun bathe for hours on end every day, remain pale. In a word, like Brad, I’m average.
I had had girlfriends on and off since 7th grade, and now at the beginning of sophomore year (I was 16), was in an “unofficial” relationship with a girl. What I mean by “unofficial” is that, we had not declared we were dating, but everyone in the grade kind of understood she was mine.
Meanwhile, Brad and I had actually been pretty good friends since 6th grade. However, during sophomore year, I started to look at him differently. I noticed body features that I hadn’t before. Like the way the corners of his mouth go into kind of a pout when he smiles or laughs, or his rather nice ass. I didn’t quite know what to think of these new found discoveries, so I shrugged them off.
But, as the school year continued, the discoveries had turned into feelings. I couldn’t get him out of my head. When I looked at my girlfriend, I saw him. I didn’t know what was happening to me. I couldn't be gay. People are born gay, right? They wear flamboyant colors and talk in high voices with lisps. I didn’t do any of these things. So why was I having these feelings for my male friend? I decided to check out some gay porn online. I found this one video of a teen-aged boy sucking another teenagers dick. And I found myself turned on.
After finding that video, and climaxing to it, I started exclusively watching gay porn. I also stared noticing other guys in my school. I would look at pictures on Facebook, and fantasize about doing things with them. However, when I jacked off to these pictures or thoughts, I always felt like I was cheating. Not on my girlfriend, who I had been talking to less and less, but on Brad. That’s when I realized I really cared for him.
I started talking to him more than my girlfriend in the class we all had together, and started checking him out in the locker room (we changed next to each other). Eventually, I broke it off with my girlfriend. I had become obsessed with Brad. Not stalker obsessed, but I wanted him, but also didn’t want to make a move in case he rejected me. (Ignorance is bliss, I guess)
At this point, sophomore year had ended, and it was summer. I was up at my vacation house is Massachusetts, and was bored, so I pulled out my phone and texted Brad:
Me: “Whats up?”
Brad: “Nothing much, how bout you?”
Me: “Same. Bored as hell up here.”
Brad: “It’s too bad your up there, we could be hangin’. :)”
Me: “Yah, I miss you :( How’s Work?” (He’s a lifeguard)
Brad: “Boring as hell. The pool is 3 feet deep and there’s no one here.”
Me: “awww, is Brad lonely?”
That response kind of caught me off guard. The simplicity of it; it must have a deeper meaning. Can it really mean what I hoped it meant? Did he really miss me so much that he was sad? With new found courage, I responded:
Me: “Man you sound like you miss me like a boyfriend haha” (“haha” in the texting world kind of gives you an escape route if what you just said doesn’t go over well)
Brad: “I do.”
I decided to call him. This was too bizarre. I had to hear his voice to see if he was serious.
Me: “Hey Brad, it’s Brent”
“Oh, hey.” (had a hint of sincere sadness)
“(Muffled tears, then silence.........)
“(In tears) No......... I’m not okay............ I need you Brent. God I need you.............. When are you coming home?”
Needless to say I was taken aback by this sudden emotional tidal wave, but I was also relieved to know he had feelings for me.
Me: “Brad calm down. Calm down. I’m coming back in two days. Are you saying what I think your saying?”
Brad: “(still sniffling) Man, you must think I’m a freak”
“No no no, not at all. I care about you Bradley. I really do.”
“Are you serious?”
“Oh god, that is such a relief.”
“So I guess you care about me? Since when?”
“I had always kind of had feelings for you, but when you started talking to me more and more in class, and then dumped Sara, I thought maybe you liked me back. But I’ve been too scared to say anything. I wouldn’t have been able to take rejection.
“Oh baby,” I said while holding back tears, “I was the same way; too scared to say anything. I’m just so glad its out in the open now.”
“So 2 days?”
“I’ll be waiting for you, Brent.”
“I can’t wait Brad.”
Needless to say those were the longest two days of my life. I had instantly accepted the fact I’m gay when Brad broke down in tears on the phone. All I wanted to do was comfort him. I wanted to be there for him, no matter what happened. I wanted to make him feel like the luckiest boy in the world. ...
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